Just Breathe

and never come back. I want to loose contact with everyone I know right now and just go live a completely different life.

Mackenzie was saying we should go to London, and it sounds stupid because we barely started hanging out and even though I’d like to go there are a million reasons that popped into my head of why we can’t go - money being one of the main ones.

But the thing is, I have money saved for college - not a lot, but enough. And I don’t see why I should go to college. It’s going to just be more of the same thing. I mean, sure it’ll be a different place and different people, but it’s just more of my planned out life that I’m not interested in at all.

I want to leave, and even though I come up with tons of reasons why I shouldn’t, I think the only real one is that I’m too scared. I only know how to do things that have been planned, and I’m not prepared for anything other than what I’m comfortable with.

I have to get out of here.

really really upset.

Well, this never happens for me with food, and it never will. Who else likes to eat a frozen pizza in the middle of the day after starving themselves up til then - not because they want to loose weight, but because they’re too lazy to actually eat in the morning. Then, after their frozen pizza, they feel so full that they don’t want to eat anything. Not until about 10 or 11 at night. However, by that time they realize it would be extremely unhealthy to eat, so they don’t and just have to suffer through their growling stomach for hours until they go to bed and repeat the routine.

Every.

Day.

Unless there’s food that I like around. Because I actually love eating. So, if my dad makes yummy pasta or something I’ll have about twenty servings. Or if there’s donuts…. I’m always the first in class to go back for seconds. I actually organized a donut party in one of my classes - not for any reason other that I wanted donuts. I found a way to get tons of people in class to bring stuff for me to eat and drink, and all I had to do was assign jobs to people.

and I think it’s because my dad is gone and that scares her… not like it scares her to be alone because she has Mallory and Kimmie with her, but it scares her to have so many people away from home. She wants us all safe under her little umbrella of ignorance and crap.

my older sister is Katy Perry, and I am Zooey Deschanel.

We look a lot alike, so people assume we’re similar, but if you know either of us in the slightest bit you’ll know we’re nothing alike.

And Kassie uses her body for attention and I use my quirkiness  (if you can even call it that)

And just to be clear, I love both of those people. So I’m not saying anything against my sister - I love Katy Perry. I’m just trying to make a point that me and my sister are very different.

to be a pop star like Katy Perry or Britney Spears, where they get famous pretty much by being sexual all the time.

That just seems more fun to me than trying to actually create something worthwhile.

like I have nothing to look forward to in life.

I didn’t go to your thing after school. I am a terrible friend. I just went home early and I forgot about it, and I’m so so so sorry.

slept in this morning.

Went to AP Lit (lame class, but we debated on what art was for the whole hour and a half, while me and Sean made jokes through the whole thing - only half of them sexual).

Had Prob and Stats which I left halfway through and went to the library where I talked with Jarred for about a half hour.

Went to Mr. Reddick’s room because I’m his economics aid, and he told me he didn’t have anything for me to do today, so I went home early. I was at school for about three and a half hours today.

I love A days